her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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