Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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