dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
