And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
