i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
