My nipple is on Facebook.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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