but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
