so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
