i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
