She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Four minutes until I can fart!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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