I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
