so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
