This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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