He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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