I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
