So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
