I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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