You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
