Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
