Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
