Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How external is "for external use only"?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
