does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
