I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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