If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
