I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
