dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
