Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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