you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
