apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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