what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
