she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
