I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
