but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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