I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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