planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
