he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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