genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
