The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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