Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
