Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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