Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
