you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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