OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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