My hand turned me down
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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