talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
