Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't turn off my feet"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
