I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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