C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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