Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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