Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
