So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
